Liar, Liar

"I don't know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain. Maybe it's something inside. Maybe it's something I can't explain, cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you. I'm a liar - oh, I am a liar"

-Henry Rollins

I have a problem that is out of control. I lie. That's right, I said it. L-I-E, lie. And since I have not afforded myself the luxury of some much needed professional psychoanalysis, I have to take a hard look to figure out why. Let's start with the small stuff first. I am a good salesman. Like all good salesmen I possess an advanced degree in bullshittery. The chameleon like ability to make people comfortable. The occasional use of embellishment to establish or drive a point home. You couple that with confidence and knowledge and you can sell a HUMMER to Ed Begley Jr.

No, the problem is much deeper. It comes from a need for acceptance and a desire to be liked at any price. I spend great amounts of time energy and effort to avoid conflict, and you know what? It is making me miserable, unhappy, and everyone around me miserable and unhappy. By perpetuating this behavior I am lying above all to myself.

I have a beautiful daughter, and two handsome sons. I am truly blessed. I do not want this to be the example set for them. I would rather them learn that it is better to screw up and be honest than to lie to avoid an unpleasant situation. There is more to this than a moral and character aspect. I lie out of fear, either real or perceived. I do not want my kiks to have that fear. So unless I learn to face the truth and stand with the consequences then I am worthless as a role model. They deserve more than that.

So I post this blog and will use it daily to remind myself of the person I should be, the person I can be, and the person I will be.

That person is a truthful person.

Why do today what you can put off for 2 years?

Wow - what can I say? Two years, no posts and it has finally taken a nudge from my wife to get me off of my ass and back to the keyboard. Too much to say now and way too tired. Stay tuned.......